Dear Derrick,

It's been quite awhile since I wrote to you.  Let's see... you are 20.  You still live at home with me. You are working at 72 down the street, just transferred a few weeks ago from 96.  You still volunteer on Fridays at the Fire Dept while going to college for your fire science degree.

I am dating Stephen.  We have been together for almost 2 years.  Josh and I broke up, but had 8 good years together.  You and he are still close.

I'm getting old kiddo.  Your mom is 41 now.  It doesn't feel like it.  I feel like I am maybe 30.

So last night I taught you how to make meatballs.  Remember that?  They were the best meatballs we ever had!  Remember to always add the ground beef last so it doesn't make the meatballs all mushy. The less you have to mix it, the better it will taste.

You  are over at your girlfriend's house.  Her name is Allison.  She seems like a sweet girl.  You don't bring her by much.  Not sure why.  You spend more time at her house then our house.  I get it though. Your are a young man.  Just wish I could see you more.

Well, your old mom has to get to bed soon.  Looks like I am pulling another 12 hour shift tomorrow.

Love you.
Mom

Dear Derrick,

It's hard to believe you are going to be 20 years old next week.  Seriously, where has the time gone?  I think back to my parents being this age when I was 20.  It doesn't paint a very good picture.  I am thankful everyday you are so much better than me.  You have your head on straight, not easily influenced by others.  I am glad I was strict, but loving during your youth.  I love hearing people tell me how you are such a good young man.  It's these moments I love.

You are in your second semester at Butler and it's starting to kick your ass.  Lol.....  You are taking trig and I believe you are a bit stressed over it.  I am hoping you will find a way and if not, get out of the class quickly.  You are doing well in English and Sociology.

I am at Stephen's house right now.  Sometimes I wonder if I am making the right decision.  You would think after being alive 40 years, I would have more answers.  Just remember we are all creatures of habit.  It takes something monumental to really make us change.  I love him very much.  He's so different from any of my previous relationships.  He's very set in his ways and stubborn.  Stephen doesn't like to be told when and where unless it's his idea.  Hehehehe...  he's learned to adjust that with me.

Parkouring is going well for you, even tho you come home with scrapes and bruises everywhere.  I cringe every time I see a fresh wound from your flips or jumps.  I guess you've always been a thrill seeker.

Alright kiddo.  I better end this post.  I love you so much and I am always proud of you.

Love you,
Mom

Dear Derrick,

I'm not sure why I don't post more often.  Time has a way of slipping past.  It's January of 2015, one month before your 20th birthday.  You love to parkour, hang out with your friends, work at the Big D and are full of life.  No serious girlfriend yet, but I have a feeling you will be a late bloomer like your uncle.

We've had a pretty good life so far.  We do quite well for ourselves.  I am proud of the young man you have become.  I like to think I had a part in that.

I will make sure not to wait so long until the next entry.

I love you so much.

Love you,
Mom

Dear Derrick,

As you can see, mom is not that great in keeping up with this blog.  It's been a few years and some time has passed us by.  You are now 19, graduated from high school and working almost full-time at the store.

You took a year off from high school.  I'm pushing you to go back to school, start your freshman year in college.  You are still undecided on your major, but have thought about going into fire science.  I just want you to get your foot in the door.

We are doing great.  Josh and I have been apart for almost a year.  It was a strain on you, but it really was for the best.  I just didn't see that relationship going anywhere.  When you have some relationships under your belt, you will understand what I am talking about.

Well, I just wanted to check in.  I will do a better job of keeping this updated, especially since I have a new laptop.

I am always proud of you.

Love you,

Mom

Dear Derrick,

Well, it's been another long stretch since my last post. You are a junior this year and are doing fairly well with your grades. Ultimate is going great and you love it.

Things with your dad have not been so great and I see your sadness sometimes. It hurts me, makes me paranoid about my own parenting and sometimes makes me very angry with your dad.

You recently broke up with your girlfriend. Even though you were only together for one month, you took it hard. She will be one of many girls you will like in your lifetime. I know it hurts now.

You are such a wonderful kid and I am so proud of you.

Love you,

Mom

Dear Derrick,

It has been awhile since my last post. Much has changed. You are 6'3" and you finally have your very first girlfriend - T.D. I pinch myself most days as it is hard to believe you are so old. I mean, I remember being 16 and remembering what my parents were like. Kinda weird, you know?

You love Ultimate, but I am not sure if you take it seriously. You go to most practices and it is a great social event for you. I am glad you are bonding and making good friendships. The grades could be much better, but you are doing okay.

We had dinner tonight at that little Korean restaurant. You always get the beef gal bi and you have started to like the spicy green beans. You would have never touched them last year. Grandma will be proud of you.

I haven't been feeling so well lately. I don't sleep well at night. Sometimes I have anxiety attacks when I go to bed. Mostly it's because I think about death and dying. It's so scary to think about leaving you behind one day. I worry so much, as I am sure most moms do. I just love you so much.

It's going to be a great summer. Hopefully you will take your written driving test so Grandpa can start teaching you how to drive. I just know once you get your license, I won't see you. All moms wish their boys would stay little forever, but I know that can't be.

I can't wait for the trips we are going to take together this summer. We are going to make lots of great memories.

Love you,

Mom

Dear Derrick,

Your sophomore year of high school is a little over a week away. I can't believe how much you have matured and grown this past year. It amazes me every time I see you.

Your dad hasn't been around much. As you may remember, he spends a lot of time with his new girlfriend. She is half his age and could be your older sister. It's a little gross to think about, but whatever.

He hasn't spent much time with you. You have been mainly staying with me, which I absolutely love! I wish every day could be spent with me.

I am so curious to see how school will go for you this year. Will you have a girlfriend? It's crazy to think about right now.

I know it's going to be your best year yet!

Love You,

Mom