Dear Derrick,

Well, it's been another long stretch since my last post. You are a junior this year and are doing fairly well with your grades. Ultimate is going great and you love it.

Things with your dad have not been so great and I see your sadness sometimes. It hurts me, makes me paranoid about my own parenting and sometimes makes me very angry with your dad.

You recently broke up with your girlfriend. Even though you were only together for one month, you took it hard. She will be one of many girls you will like in your lifetime. I know it hurts now.

You are such a wonderful kid and I am so proud of you.

Love you,

Mom

Dear Derrick,

It has been awhile since my last post. Much has changed. You are 6'3" and you finally have your very first girlfriend - T.D. I pinch myself most days as it is hard to believe you are so old. I mean, I remember being 16 and remembering what my parents were like. Kinda weird, you know?

You love Ultimate, but I am not sure if you take it seriously. You go to most practices and it is a great social event for you. I am glad you are bonding and making good friendships. The grades could be much better, but you are doing okay.

We had dinner tonight at that little Korean restaurant. You always get the beef gal bi and you have started to like the spicy green beans. You would have never touched them last year. Grandma will be proud of you.

I haven't been feeling so well lately. I don't sleep well at night. Sometimes I have anxiety attacks when I go to bed. Mostly it's because I think about death and dying. It's so scary to think about leaving you behind one day. I worry so much, as I am sure most moms do. I just love you so much.

It's going to be a great summer. Hopefully you will take your written driving test so Grandpa can start teaching you how to drive. I just know once you get your license, I won't see you. All moms wish their boys would stay little forever, but I know that can't be.

I can't wait for the trips we are going to take together this summer. We are going to make lots of great memories.

Love you,

Mom